top of page
Image by Jakub Sofranko
  • Writer's pictureLisa Neville

Ask a Sex Coach-How Can I Have Great Sex?

Great news! Practice makes perfect!

When we do things we enjoy it increases our endorphins or our feel good hormones. It can be anything from having sex, laughing, making art, exercising or anything that brings us joy. This helps build our neuropathic pathways so we can feel arousal more easily. So, why not have fun!

Great sex is more than just fucking. It is about how connected or how close we are to our partner both inside and outside the bedroom.

Ask yourself these questions. How much time do we spend together? I mean really together, not just running the kids around or talking about work. I mean spending quality time together, talking about our desires, our hopes, our dreams outside of the kids and outside of our crazy work schedules. How often do we hold hands, kiss, cuddle, shower together or say "I love you"?

Schedule a time to have check-ins on how your relationship is doing outside and inside the bedroom.

Here are 10 talking points you can discuss during your conversations.

10 Tips to Great sex!
  1. Communicate- tell your partner what you want. Talk about it before you have sex. Schedule a time. If it helps write down the things you want. You have to make what you want clear. Your partner is not a mind reader, they may think you are really into something and you aren't. Take notes, ask questions, repeat back what you heard your partner say. Having a Sex Coach can help you gain clarity on what you want and coach you in having a conversation with your partner.

2. Give your partner a confidence boost. Let your partner know how much you enjoy

just being with them. Let them know how attractive they are, how much you love

having sex with them and how you feel when they touch you in certain way. It doesn't

have to just be about sex. It could be a compliment on a wonderful meal that was

prepared or a thank you for stopping to put gas in the car so you didn't have to.

3. Keep things spontaneous in the bedroom. Mix it up. Take turns initiating sex so

one partner isn't always the initiator. Try teasing, changing positions, get a sex pillow,

introduce new sex toys, wear something sexy or try having sex in new places outside of

the bedroom. This will keep your erotic energy flowing. If you aren't sure how to do

these things or even where to start, as your Sex Coach I can help.

4. Have lots of foreplay outside the bedroom. The brain is our largest sex organ so

mental foreplay is important. Send sexy texts and pictures to your partner. Put a note in

their car letting them know what you are going to do to them when they get home.

Wear something you know your partner finds sexy. Wear their favorite scent. Wear

  some sexy lingerie under your clothes. Cultivate a rich fantasy life. Read or listen to an

erotic book or watch porn together. This helps you get aroused too!

5. Have lots of foreplay inside the bedroom. Play! Have fun! Don't rush! Get creative!

Introduce new toys, have oral sex, role-play, put on costumes, create a sexy space or

use dirty talk. This is where having the conversation with your partner is helpful. You will

already know some things that turn them on. If you are struggling with any of these,

contact me. I can help.

6. Forget about "normal" sex. In a recent survey done by Healthline, women like to

have a variety of sex.

  • 17% have tried bondage

  • 20% have used a blindfold

  • 30% have had anal sex

  • 62% masturbate 3 to 4 times a week

  • 40% use vibrators

  • 14% look at online porn

  • 70% need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm

  • 18% prefer oral sex

7. Try Mutual Masturbation. Watching your partner self-pleasure is a great way to see

what works for them. It can also be a big turn on to see and hear your partner

pleasuring themselves. Not all partners are comfortable with this. There is a lot of

vulnerability here and if there are body image issues this can be really uncomfortable.

Again, I can coach you in this.

8. Orgasm before fucking. This can be really important for women. When a woman

has an orgasm the pussy expands and gets wet while she becomes engorged

with blood making her more sensitive to touch. Therefore, sex is more pleasurable!

Use toys, fingers and oral sex to get her there!

9. Do your Kegels. This goes for men and women. These are also known as pelvic floor

exercises. This can help women strengthen these muscles to tighten around their

partner causing a different sensation for both of you. In men, this can help with

premature ejaculation. I help my clients master this exercise.

10. Consider opening up your relationship.This is definitely a conversation that needs

to be had with your partner. Many couples find that opening up the relationship can

lead to more fulfilling sex lives, especially if one or both partners are bisexual. This

doesn't have to be permanent. You can create parameters around what is acceptable,

set a time frame or be specific about the number of people, whatever makes you feel

comfortable and confident. Having sex outside of a relationship can sometimes

strengthen your connection and give you ideas for your sex together.

We are all entitled to have fabulous sex. Not everyone knows how to have great sex or even where to start.

If you are struggling with having amazing sex in your relationship don't wait to reach out and get help.

Contact me today!

Reclaim your sexuality.

You are worth it.

Your relationship is worth it.

She didn't want soft and gentle. She needed his rough possession, claiming her, branding her, taking her in a firestorm of heat and flame that would end the world around them, leaving them nothing but ashes, clean and fierce and forever welded together. - Christine Foohan

My love and I at The Wrights Brother Monument in Kill Devil Hills, OBX NC.

Lisa Neville

Sex and Intimacy Coach



bottom of page