top of page
Image by Jakub Sofranko
  • Writer's pictureBetter Sex 4 U

Ask a sex coach- How do I know if I am good at sex?

How do you know if you are good at sex?

Interestingly enough, while researching statistics about sexual confidence in men and women in the United States I found there are none!

I found several studies done in the UK and none in the United States.

Why? Because Americans are much more sexually suppressed.

European countries are much more sex positive than in America.

I am not going to get on my soapbox about this today. That will definitely be another blog post!

In an article, from Psypost "Having a higher number of past sexual partners is tied to greater self-esteem especially among men".

Men have stronger sexual confidence in the bedroom. As women, we are concerned about how our partners see us. We are naked. Belly bumps, stretch marks and cellulite are not hidden during sex making us more inhibited.

However, in an article in the Medicalxpress the number of women who have had sex with more than 15 partners over the last few decades has increased from 3 to 7 percent.

So, although women are starting to be more promiscuous than men we still do not feel sexually confident. Interesting?

Woman and man enjoying a sensual kiss

I have known men and women who were amazing lovers and knew they were!

How did they know?

Simply put!

They love sex as much as I do!

9 tips on how to know you are great in bed

We all have our own ideas about what great sex is.

There are a lot of ways to be great in bed. In future posts I will discuss creativeness, communication, techniques and of course, hygiene.

For now, let's start with how you know!

1. you love sex

A simple indicator to knowing you are good in bed can be how much you love sex!

You are always keeping an eye out for new and different ways to rock your partners world and enhance your own experiences.

You may read books, articles, blogs, watch videos or like trying different sex toys.

You want to be the best and you take great pride in being skilled at sex.

A person who really loves what they are doing is often really good at it. Sex is no different!

2. You are open minded and switch things up

You like to switch things up and be creative.

You like to try different sex positions and you never skip foreplay.

These can be signs that you are great in bed!

Foreplay is one of the best parts of sex and no one wants to have sex with someone who has the same sexual routine. BORING!

3. You are confident

Confidence is sexy!

Confidence will take you a long way in and out of the bedroom.

Confidence could be things like leaving the light on while having sex or walking around the house nude. Maybe you like walking around in something super sexy!

You take control of sex! You are vocal, enthusiastic and you feel your partner wanting you.

Confidence in the bedroom can really turn your partner on. They know you aren't afraid to tell them when you want sex and show them how you like it!

4. You know what you need to have an orgasm

Someone who is great in bed doesn't rely on just their partner to have an orgasm.

A woman who has explored her own body and knows how to bring herself to orgasm can show her partner how she wants to be pleasured.

A sexually proactive woman isn't just going to lay back and leave her orgasm to chance. She is going to take control.

Most people don't want an overly passive partner in the bedroom. So, it is totally OK to take charge in getting yourself to orgasm.

Woman masturbating

5. Both of you are equally into it

Having your partner approve of your great love-making skills while your in the moment is always a good indicator that you are good in bed!

However, approval isn't always going to be given vocally. So, you have to pay attention to non-verbal signs.

You know you are good in bed when your partner is leaning into you. Your partner may angle their hips to get to you or thrusting and moving with you.

If you get your partner close to orgasm don't change what your doing!

There is nothing worse than having something that feels so incredible interrupted and then have to build that feeling back up again. Unless you are into Edging then go for it! I say more about Edging later!

6. Her pussy expands

Great sex will cause a women's pussy to expand or lengthen during penetration.

If you notice her pussy relaxing as you thrust into her, great job!

If you have been going at it for a while and you begin to feel her contract this may mean she is close to orgasm. Don't stop! Keep going!

7. You aim to please

For most people the goal of sex is pleasure. But, who's pleasure?

If you have more interest in giving pleasure you are a great lover!

A great lover is always more than willing to give as much pleasure as they can.

Amazing lovers are always looking for ways to bring more pleasure to their partner.

A great lover is never completely satisfied if they know their partner did not fully enjoy their sexual encounter.

Having a partner that is more concerned with pleasing you is a huge turn on. Imagine what sex would be like if you both had the same goal.

More and more pleasure!

8. You are attentive and vocal with your partner

Being attentive and vocal during sex is another way to know you are doing it right.

Everyone loves to hear the sounds of their lover experiencing pleasure. Especially when they are the one giving it.

A great lover pays attention to what causes their partner to moan, breathe heavy and observes how their body is reacting to what you are doing for them, to them and with them.

There is nothing hotter than your partner moaning or pressing into you because of what you are doing. Whew!

An amazing lover isn't afraid to tell their partner what they want and how they want it.

A great lover isn't locked into using the same moves all the time. Every partner is different.

Every body is different.

In time you can learn what every sigh or body movement means. It guides you towards your next move of either pleasing or teasing.

9. You are hard maybe even impossible to forget

Most of us have had at least one lover who was absolutely amazing in bed!

That person just popped in your mind didn't they? Did your skin flush a little at the thought of them?

They were a great lover!

Maybe it didn't work out for whatever reason. Maybe when you are alone or with your current partner your have memories of your sex with that person.

A great lover is impossible to forget. Our body remembers every kiss, touch, suck and orgasm we had.

final thoughts

There are many ways we can be amazing in bed. It can be how we fuck, how we give oral, how we move our body, how we use our hands or what we can do with our mouths.

If you are not great in bed, how you can accomplish being impossible to forget?

It is possible, no matter your age, your body type, your experiences or lack there of, to learn to be amazing in bed!

Click here to learn how I help you do that!

Next week, I will share things I found made my lovers amazing in bed! I include myself in the category of being amazing in bed! I am am Sex Coach after all!

Until next week!

Remember practice makes perfect!

"To feel aroused is to feel alive. Having great sex is like taking in huge lungfuls of fresh air, essential to your body, essential to your health, and essential to your life."

Fiona Thrust

My love and I at The Biltmore House. It was such a beautiful day. We always enjoy new adventures together!

Lisa Neville

Sex and Intimacy Coach

Better Sex 4 U


bottom of page