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Ask a sex coach- is there help for my erectile dysfunction? Part 2 of 2

Is there help for my Erectile Dysfunction?

Last week I discussed the Physiological components to ED. As you saw, lifestyle changes can really be helpful. Having a better diet, exercising, not smoking and decreasing alcohol intake are all very important.

In this week's post I want to talk about the Psychological or Psychogenic Erectile Dysfunction.

What do I mean by Psychogenic Erectile Dysfunction? Simply put, it is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection during sex due to psychological factors.

How many men are affected by ed?

  • Erectile Dysfunction is common in men ages 41-60 years and very common in men 60+ years.

  • 30 million men in the United States are affected by ED

  • Worldwide prevalence of Erectile Dysfunction is expected to increase to 322 million men by 2025

  • 1 in 10 men is estimated to have ED at some point in his lifetime.

Sex can affect your overall health and quality of life. Many men with ED can experience low self-esteem at some point in time.

Erectile Dysfunction can also put stress on your relationship with your partner.

Before moving on to some of the psychological causes of ED I want to say, Erectile Dysfunction can be caused by an underlying medical condition. To determine if your ED is psychogenic or not, contact your healthcare provider to rule out any medical conditions that could be causing your ED.

After ruling out any medical conditions that can be causing your ED it is time to start looking inward.

What are some Psychological factors of ed?

Here are a few factors that can cause Psychological ED.

  • Stress and anxiety: When you are anxious or stressed becoming aroused can be challenging. Click the link for more information on Stress and anxiety.

  • Performance anxiety: Worries about sexual performance or being unable to satisfy your partner can lead to anxiety, which impacts your ability to have and keep and erection.

  • Depression: Depression can cause a lack of interest in activities, which includes sex. Experiencing depression can make it hard to connect with others, including having a sexual relationship with your partner.

  • Relationship concerns: Conflict in your relationship can lead to emotional stress and create distance between you and your partner, which hinders sex.

  • Feelings of guilt: Whether it's related to past performance, emotional stress, or other issues, guilt can lead to depression and anxiety and ultimately ED.

  • Low self worth: Low self worth can be related to performance during previous sexual activity and can lead to you possibly feeling inadequate or shamed.

  • Cultural or religious beliefs: Your attitude toward sex may be influenced by negative religious or cultural beliefs.

  • Trauma: A history of sexual abuse or trauma can cause you to experience an emotional response during sex and in sexual relationships. Addressing these with a therapist like Mark W. Neville M. Div, is crucial to healing those wounds.

What can you do to treat psychological ED?

Psychological ED is treated by addressing the psychological factors.

Here are some treatment options:

  • Individual or Couples Therapy: Therapy can help you identify your thoughts and feelings related to sexual activity and Erectile Dysfunction. Through therapy you can develop balanced thoughts about yourself, your relationship and your sexual performance.

  • Relationship coaching: This can be a great opportunity for you and your partner to improve communication about intimacy and sex, examine your sexual relationship and gain insights and understanding of each other's sexual needs.

  • Relaxation techniques: I help you implement different breathing, meditation and visualization techniques to calm and relax you.

What other options do I have to help with erectile dysfunction?

I say in almost every blog post communication is the most important tool you have for a satisfying Sex Life.

Communication is key

Communicating with your partner especially when you are coping with ED and other challenges is paramount important.

Talk openingly about your desires and fears. If you are experiencing ED, your partner may be worried that you no longer find them attractive. They may also suspect that they are doing something wrong or that you are having an affair. It is important to reassure each other that your love and attraction remains regardless of whether your dick gets hard or not.

Click here to learn more about how I can help you and your partner work through communication issues and improve your sex life.

How I help you with ed

Below are 6 ways I coach clients with Psychological ED.

1. learn to relax

Anxiety is one of the biggest contributors to ED. In some of my clients, anxiety plays a larger role than medical problems.

When you are worried that you won't be able to "perform" or enjoy yourself in bed you are less likely to enjoy yourself. Make sense? It is a self-fulfilling cycle.

I teach my clients to focus on what they are enjoying with their partner. I also coach them to do some deep breathing exercises or massage techniques. These actions bring simple pleasure and relaxation through touch.

The more relaxed you are, the more ready you will be for a full-filling, stress-free sexual experience.

2. Rediscover your partner

Do you remember what it was like when you first started dating and having sex? Every touch you shared was exciting!

I coach clients to find that again!

I coach my clients on how to relive that time together. Kiss, laugh, and experiment.

How to take their mind off the clock and enjoy time together. It is OK for them to take their time! It is OK to enjoy touching and caressing each other until they reach a state of arousal.

They find the more time they spend on foreplay, the more in tune they become with each others bodies and turn-ons.

They can enjoy each other! Sex doesn't have to only be about penetration. There is so much more to sex than just a dick in a pussy!

I help you discover those things! Reach out to learn more!

3. Avoid unhealthy habits

As I mentioned in my last blog post, certain lifestyle changes help with Erectile Dysfunction.

  • Stop smoking

  • Avoid heavy drinking

  • Avoid illicit drugs

You can read my last blog post for more information on lifestyle changes.

4. Lose weight and exercise regularly

79% of men presenting to their healthcare provider with concerns of Erectile Dysfunction are obese.

Obesity may increase the risk ED by 30% to 90% as compared to those with normal weight.

Obesity effects testosterone levels, can cause depression and cause multitude of other health concerns.

Those with ED have a greater waist size than those without ED.

Exercising at least 1 1/2 hours a week has shown to be very helpful in managing ED. Not only does it help with weight loss it helps to produce natural "feel good" hormones in your body.

5. Get playful with your partner

If my client can't maintain a firm erection, they can still orgasm without intercourse!

There are many ways for partners to give each other a great deal of sexual pleasure.

I help you discover many creative ways!

For example, I coach my clients to try mutual masturbation, use sex toys like vibrators to stimulate each other. I also teach them my personal favorite, both oral and manual stimulation! These things can be really fun and very satisfying!

I teach my clients to be adventurous!

I use other techniques with my clients to help them learn more about how to give and receive pleasure. Call me if you want to know more.

6. keep moving forward

For most people, physical intimacy is an important part of a happy and satisfying relationship. You can still have physical intimacy even if maintaining an erection is difficult.

I suggest to all of my clients, get your hormones checked by a specialist. I refer my clients to Blue Sky MD.

Contact your healthcare provider and get a check up.

final thoughts

It is important to take of your overall physical and mental health and well being.

Practice good communication with your partner.

Adjust your sexual expectations.

Adopt healthy lifestyle habits.

Discover creative ways to satisfy each others needs.

A great Sex Life doesn't have to be limited to penetration. There is so much more to sex than just a dick and a pussy.

Try new things! Be creative and have fun!

"He tugs my bottom lip with his straight white teeth before releasing it and making a low noise in the back of throat. I let out a sound that's just as guttural and pleading. "You taste like sin-the best kind imaginable." - Lucas

My love and I on our wedding day! Still one of the best days of my life!

Lisa Neville

Sex, Relationship and Intimacy Coach

Better Sex 4 U


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