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Image by Jakub Sofranko
  • Writer's pictureLisa Neville

"Uncovering and Understanding the Five Stages of Sexuality: From Resting to Transformation"

There are five basic stages of sexuality. In this blog post, I will break those down and give you a little more information on each one. You will see yourself in at least one or maybe even all of them from different times in your life!

I have been through all of these stages! I believe we vacillate between them. We aren't always one or another. It really depends on where we are in our life at that particular moment in time.

Keep reading to learn more!

The Five Stages of Sexuality


I was in this stage when I was in a sexless relationship. I found myself wondering what happened to my sexual desire. Now, I recognize I was searching for a greater sense of connection, intimacy and passion.

You can choose to be in a Resting Stage.

You could be taking a break from sex by choice; or are still a virgin.

Man resting

Maybe you just had a breakup and feel you want to take some time in between relationships before getting involved again sexually.

You may also be in the resting stage because you’re healing (see the next stage). For example, you may have just had a baby and can’t have intercourse, and you do not want to have any other kind of intimate contact until you officially get the green light from your doctor.

Resting is not a bad thing and can sometimes lead to even better sex when done consciously and from choice. #resting


I entered my Healing Stage when I came out of a physically and verbally abusive marriage. I needed time to heal my body, mind, sexuality and my spirit.

If you are in this stage you are seeking to overcome your sexual obstacles and heal what keeps you from having great sexual experiences. In your past, you may have been sexually abused or survived a relationship that had a negative impact on your sexuality. Or maybe you just went through a breakup and need some time to heal emotionally.

You may be working to overcome sexual shame, guilt or fear that is holding you back from truly enjoying your sensuality and physical pleasure. Or you may be dealing with a physical issue such as painful intercourse; trauma after surgery; erectile dysfunction; or premature ejaculation.

Positive sign

The Healing Stage can be a powerful stage that takes your sexual life to the next level.

The trick is to not allow yourself to get stuck here, especially if you have a partner who is in a different Stage and in need of sexual activity.

How long you stay in this stage will depend upon what type of healing you need. #healing


I personally love this stage! I am always curious about not just my sexuality but the sexuality of others as well!

In this stage, you want to learn more about your sexuality and how you can make it better. You are most likely interested in Erotic Intelligence and raising your Erotic IQ. You want to learn how to become a better lover through techniques that will enhance your skills, as both a giver and receiver, of pleasure.

You are intrigued by things like sexual anatomy; erotic massage; oral lovemaking; intimacy and connection; and creating “sexploration” times to indulge your curiosity.

cat peeking in window

The trap of the Curious Stage is that you can get so into learning that you don’t implement or practice anything you’ve learned. Make sure you play with exploration and get “hands-on”.

So, Explore and Play! #curious


This is another one of my favorite stages! I finally have the confidence and freedom to explore my sexuality! It is an amazing feeling!

In the Adventurous Stage you give yourself permission to experience freedom when it comes to sexual pleasure.

Couple playing in bed

You like to explore your sexuality by stepping outside of the box.

You are usually sexually self-expressed. You aren’t afraid to try new things.

You may like to get a little kinky. You are interested in learning more about topics such as bondage; role-play; anal sex; open relationships; and other “taboo” topics.

You love sex and exploring while having fun and trying new things. You may love variety as a way to keeping your sexual relationships spicy and “hot”.

If you are Adventurous it’s important to keep boundaries and safety in mind.

Some individuals in the Adventurous Stage judge partners who might be in Healing or Curious Stages and they put pressure on the situation. Practice patience and healthy boundaries. #adventurous


I really enjoy the Transformative Stage too! I have been in this stage when I was single and with my husband. Sexual energy is very powerful and when an intention is set that energy can manifest amazing things in your life!

If you are in the Transformative Stage you are interested in experiencing the “more” to sexuality.

ripple in the water

You are learning transformational sex or sacred sexuality; Tantra; Sexual Shamanism; or Taoist practices.

No matter the label, you want to move beyond the physical and into the realm of all that is erotically possible.

You may be interested in using sexuality as a conscious tool for personal growth and development.

You may find Eastern philosophies and ideas fascinating and are drawn to learning more about these practices. #transformation


We all go through the different stages of Sexuality. Each stage provides us with an opportunity to learn and grow as a sexual being.

When we accept and lean into each stage not only do we transform our sex lives but ourselves as a sexual person. We can then have a better understanding of ourselves and our partners.

We may not always be in the same stage as our partner and that is okay. Honoring and respecting where we are and where our partner is will only strengthen your relationship and your sex life.

If you are interested in learning more about the 5 stages of Sexuality, reach out to me! Let's schedule a time to talk!

The best feeling in the world is being loved back by the person you love.

My love and I on a cold winter day enjoying the beauty of a waterfall.

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